I actually finished this whaaaat?!

His warm arm rested around my waist as we sat outside the dark building. The smell of smoke, coming from his cigarette, filled m nose, something I had tried a few times before, that hadn't repulsed nor enticed me. "Want a drag?" He asked casually, holding it away from himself, and toward me. I shook my head and smiled at him. "No thank you." I casually declined. "I thought you smoked?" he questioned back at me, something I just ignored, before hugging myself to him. He finished smoking after a few more seconds, and threw the butt onto the floor a few meters away. "Turn around and kiss me then." Chad urged, lightly prodding his fingers into my side. I slowly turned and smiled at him, inexperience turning me into a total nervous wreck. I planted a soft peck on his lips, though he tried to part his own. "Kiss me properly?" He urged, slight irritation in his voice, most probably from me not kissing him 'properly'. I shrugged and turned away. "Don't want to." I spoke softly, yet tried to sound definite in my answer. His fingers tickled me once more. "Why not?" his voice had changed by now, notes of anger, sadness, and possibly fear? Maybe just the fear he wasn't the stud he always though he was? "No, it's just, it's complicated." I told him honestly, hoping he wouldn't be angry. "Okay." He agreed, and we left it at that. The cold snow that surrounded us made me shiver, something that made me snuggle right up to his chest. I took a deep breath anmd stood up, dragging his hand with me. He remained seated, as  if he were trying to be awkward, but I tugged anyway. "Come on, let's go back inside. Matty's waiting..." I half whined and half ordered him, my thin shirt not preventing any of the cold from getting to my body. I was trying to guess the temperature of my body at that moment, 37^ usually, but it felt about 10^. He reluctantly stood and dropped my hand, before opening the door and waltzing back in. I sighed as I watched him enter, thinking about what was uindefinitely going to happen in the not too distant future. I lurched my arm out quickly, catching the door a nanosecond before it closed. I smiled and trudged through the door. This was what I wanted, for so long. This was what i'd dreamed of and got worried about and took 2 hours getting ready for. Yet it wasn't going perfectly like it always did in my head. I'm almost always disappointed, because I create the perfect version of a situation, and my anticipation fails me. "Want a game of pool?" He asked me, his friend already chalking his cue. I smiled and shook my head, standing by the side of the green felt table. He grinned at me and took the other cue, which had been previously balanced on the table's wooden frame. So I sat there, while Chad and Matty played pool, trying to bat my eyelashes and look seductive every time he locked eyes with me. But it was hard. Hard to act confident around someone I liked so much; But I tried my best. He seemed friendly enough, and I was thinking he really likes me. So they played a game of pool, a couple games of air hockey, and I just sat there basking in the glory that was being with him. After a while, Matty had to leave, so me and Chad decided to go for a walk. We walked with Matty for a minute or two, but soon after, he turned down a side street. which left me and Chad on our own. I smiled shyly at him as we stomped through the snow, a shiver coursing through my veins. I felt his hands on my shoulders and his weight pushing me backward, so I tried to shove him off. "What are you doing?" I giggled in his face, my exterior showing worry, but inside I was secretly loving being pushed around with him. "You're not leaving until you've kissed me!" His hands were still on me, but they had slid down to the small of my back. I sighed and put my own arms around his neck, still keeping my distance. I looked at him coyly and bit my lip a little. "But... I'm a bad kisser!" I struggled to find an excuse, though an excuse to not kiss him wasn't what I wanted, though I wasn't sure what I did want. A ridiculous amount of confusion and lust was swirling in my head, and I felt as if I had to kiss him, after all I had come all this way to meet him... As this moral dilemma filled my head, I felt his nails scratching lightly at my back, something which sent electric shockwaves through my body. I wriggled, but he had a tight grasp on me. His head leant closer to mine and I heard his sharp intake of breath as he pressed his body even tighter to mine. "I know you want me. Just kiss me." Before kissing him on the cheek, I turned my head to look at him. A look of lust and devilishness was washed across his face. I pecked him lightly on his cheek, and he sighed once more. "What?" I nervously asked him, running my finger in circles across the back of his neck. He looked into my eyes and smiled a half smile. "I told you to kiss me properly....." He spoke his statement as a question, leaving me in total control of the situation. I loved how I could trust him not to entirely pressure me into something, yet he was the kind of person to say exactly what he wanted and when he wanted it. He slowly moved toward my lips, bringing up one of his own hands to caress my neck. I gave in and tilted my head a little to the right, letting us have our first "proper kiss."


Kissing him was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was as if everything bad in my life faded away, and this was the only thing that mattered to me in the world. His tongue slowly moved, our lips pressing together. I tasted his mouth as we kissed, a taste of cigarettes overpowering any of my other senses. I was letting myself be ruled by him for this long moment, as if he were the puppeteer, and I were the puppet. This taste, this feel, this boy; it was perfectly everything that I had wanted in the past few months. And yet, being with him, kissing him, I felt as if there was something missing. As if I knew that this couldn't last longer than this one, perfect, night. I slowly drew out of our kiss, moving my hands down to the small of his back. ".....Can we go nowww?" I whined at him, desperately seeking more of this drug I had now tasted. I wanted to feel him in my mouth, us both colliding and merging together for a minute of our lives. But I had to remember that I was the shy and innocent little virgin goodie goodie he had always thought I was. He had never said this to me, well, not in as many words, but I could just tell what people thought about me. He was the cool guy that always got his own way, and I was the somehow alluring dirty minded nerd. But I had lived my whole life like that, so I could hardly change now, could I? "Hmmm, nope. I want another now." His voice seemed to purr out of his throat, whether his body had succumbed to lust, or he was faking it, I'll never know.

The walk back to my house was filled with holding hands, nails dragging over skin, and lots more kisses. The kisses all felt good, but I could still feel that there was something missing; But I had no idea what it was they were lacking. "You didn't have to walk me home, you know?" I asked him as we neared my front gate. He smiled back at me, that contagious half smile that he had trademarked over the past few hours. "I wanted to, I had to make sure you got home safe." I could sense the sincerity in his voice, even if he had other motives behind walking me home too. I laughed. "You're crazy. It's getting pretty late, though. You probably should be getting home...." I didn't want to push him into leaving, but man, I was tired. He leant back onto my gate and snaked his arm around my waist. "You want me to leave? But it's still early...." His voice trailed off, a fake pout on his face. I resisted the urge to kiss those lips. "It's not that I want you to go, but I'm tired, and it's gone midnight already. I'll see you tomorrow, though? If you'd like to, that is." "Sure." He replied, seeming slightly annoyed that I hadn't invited him to stay. I frowned. "Kisses?" I asked him, moving his hand away from my waist and lacing my hand in his. "Well, I'm gonna head off." He snapped, removing our intertwined hands and giving me a proverbial punch in the stomach. He turned away, ready to storm home and forget all about this 'prude'. "Hey." I called out, a frown setting on my brow. "Just like that, you're going to flip completely? Just because I won't have sex with you on the first night? You're pathetic." His eyes widened; I doubt anyone had ever actually called him up on his being a jerk. "No.. I-i didn't..." He struggled to find words and it just made me laugh. All the way home he had been perfect, and then as soon as he didn't get what he wanted... Well. "No, I'm done. I knew there was something off with you, and it's because you only kissed me and spent time with me is because you want to have sex with me. I'm done, I'm done with talking to a pathetic jerk who's only interested in my body and not my sassy fucking personality. Have a nice walk home." I spat the words at him, before walking through the gate, opening my front door, and forgetting all about him.